Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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