Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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