My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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