giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
