WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
