So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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