I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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