Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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