apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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