dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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