I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
