I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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