my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
