I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
