I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
