angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
