that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
