The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
