I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
