I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
