Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
