She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
