It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
