First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
