i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The uberlube is also flammable
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
