That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
