why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
