The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
