i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
too bad you live with your parents still
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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