if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
