I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
