You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
