He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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