So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
