I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
