It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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