idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
