true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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