Kareoke will never be a sober sport
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
