Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
