My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
