Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
