I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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