I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
