Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
