But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
