i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
