k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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