so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
