A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
