i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
