your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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